The Good, The Bad, The Blessed

I have been a stay at home mom for over three months now. In some ways, it seems like I was going into the office just yesterday. In other ways, I can barely remember what it is like to work 40+ hours a week outside of the home. I get reminded through my husband though, because lately he has been working 45-60 hours a week and I wouldn't describe it as awesome (although thankful for a job for sure).
My reflections, which are worth what you paid for them.

The Good:
No more stressing about housework, laundry, dirty kitchen, no cooked meals, no time to cook, no time to rest, no time to clean, little time with Sydney, little time with Nick. For me, all of these things weighed on me so heavily. Nick never complained about piled up laundry, or a dirty house, but I personally was constantly subconsciously upset about it and yet so tired from working that it felt like a backpack of bricks I carried on my shoulders all the time. I also carried another backpack full of guilt. We had prepared financially for three years prior to getting pregnant so that I would have an option to stay home. It was another weight on me to know I was choosing money over my daughter, or at least, that is what kept going through my mind. Every day spent at the office was another day I would not get back with Sydney.

The Bad:
Every day is every day. When I was working, I had certain feelings each day of the week. Mondays were "aww here we go again" and Thursdays were "woo hoo, tomorrow is Friday!" and Friday was "alright let's get this weekend started" and Sunday was "it's over already?" Staying at home makes every day very similar to the one before, and the one to follow, with the exception of Nick of course. Fridays are exciting for the fact that Nick will be joining us for the weekend and we can be together more as a family for a while.

Financially, things are in crystal clear perspective. The definition of need and want are very strongly defined, because every dollar really counts. I'm not exactly sure I would say this is bad, although most people would probably think it isn't good. For a while I felt a bit of restriction, because even though I rarely want much...the fact that I almost couldn't or shouldn't buy something, felt different. But honestly our modest home is fairly full at the moment, so there isn't much else I can buy without throwing out something we have to make room. So in a way, it is for the best that we discipline ourselves to what is important, which is what money cannot buy...

The Blessed:
I have said before that I am seeking to honor my Mom in the way that I care for Sydney. Life is just incredibly short. Every day I wake up faced with the reality of loved ones who passed way before I was ready to say good-bye. There are many things I am not good at and being a stay at home mom somewhat highlights a few of those. Yet I cherish this time so much that I let my heart erase my fears as often as possible.

As I pray that the Lord heal my Aunt Debbie, I am once again reminded that every day is precious. So much in the world can distract you from what is truly important in life. My constants are at the forefront and I know there are no do-overs in this life. The Lord our Savior. My Husband. Our Daughter. Our Home. Our Family. Our Friends. Blessed.